Best Place for a First Date Dinner
York Street International Café. Comfy cozy, great food and lots of kitschy distractions if your date is conversationally impaired. There's eclectic music and I-want-to-get-closer-to-you seating in the upstairs bar if the date's going well. Finally, a Tarot Card reading is a plus for those who need to know if they're going to score. York Street International Café, 738 York St., Newport, 859-261-9675.

Best Place for the Second Date Dinner
Thai takeout and cold beers on the Serpentine Wall at sunset. Hide the beers.

Best Place to Take a Blind Date
Iron Horse Inn. You don't have to decide until you get there if he/she is worth "hoity-toity" (like the downstairs dining room offers) or if someplace more casual (like the upstairs tavern) is appropriate. Or, if you know it's going to be a long evening, the upstairs features live Jazz several nights of the week, so you won't even have to attempt small talk. Either way, you're guaranteed a great meal. Iron Horse Inn, 40 Village Square, Glendale, 513-771-4787.

Best Film Fest to Take a First Date
The Israeli Jewish Film Festival, which recently closed with The Flying Camel, a comedy set in Tel Aviv and screened in Hebrew with English subtitles. The films range from the hilarious to the poignant and thoughtful. You'll score points as an intellectual with a heart. Mariemont Theatre, 6906 Wooster Pike, Mariemont, 513-985-1504.

Best Film Fest Not to Take a Date
The annual Cincinnati Women's Film Festival each winter. The most recent incarnation featured a day of screenings of independent films, including My Feminism, The Righteous Babes, Bedevil, Compensations, Golden Threads and Tree Shade. Take your girlfriend here, and you might be walking home alone. Raymond Walters College Theater, 9555 Plainfield Road, Blue Ash, 513-745-5645.

Best Place to Take Your Homey for a Ride on a Surrey With the Fringe on Top
At Northern Kentucky's newest museum, The Carriage Museum, which boasts the region's largest collection of buggies, surreys with a fringe on top, sleighs, racers, runabouts, hickory wagons, vans and carts. Of special note is a rare drop-front phaeton "that cost a fortune," according to organizers. All two dozen carriages are housed in a brand-new museum facility built expressly to house the collection. Afterwards, stroll the romantic streets of Old Washington historic district. The Carriage Museum, 2213 Main St., Maysville, Ky., 859-759-7411.

Best Expensive Romantic Dinner
The Celestial, with its stylish lounge, lilting live Jazz, incredible skyline and river views and all-around atmosphere with a capital A. The Celestial, 1071 Celestial St., Mount Adams, 513-241-4455.

Best Bargain Romantic Dinner
Score points by suggesting an elegant, reserved moment at the Tearoom at the Bonbonerie. Enjoy an afternoon of scones, finger sandwiches and exotic tea. Tearoom at the Bonbonerie, 2030 Madison Road, O'Bryonville, 513-321-3399.

Best Romantic Bench
There's nothing better than taking your beau/beaux for a romantic view of the Ohio River and the vast Northern Kentucky landscape on a sunny Sunday afternoon at the Eden Park overlook benches. When you get bored with the view, check out the racy graffiti on the barrier wall and get lovemaking tips from the inscriptions on the trees.

Best Kept Secret
Despite our civic reputation as a sour old spinster, Cincinnati actually has a number of places that offer erotic toys, gifts, clothing, books, magazines and videos. Shhhh, just don't tell anyone. Among our favorite spots are Hustler (ladies, get 20 percent off on Tuesdays), Elyse's Passion, Tip Top, Wetlands, Pyramid Leather, Pink Pyramid, The Cupboard and Kroger. Have fun! Hustler Books Magazine & Gifts, 411 Elm St., Downtown, 513-421-7323; 1038 Lebanon St., Monroe, 513-539-6969. Elyse's Passion, 1210 Sycamore St., Over-the-Rhine, 513-541-0800. Tip Top Magazines, 2611 Vine St., Corryville, 513-751-0900. Wetlands, 1289 W. Ohio Pike, Amelia, 513-943-ROXY. Pyramid Leather Crypt and Gallery, 4040 Hamilton Ave., Northside, 513-591-1700. Pink Pyramid, 907 Race St., Downtown,513-621-7465. The Cupboard, 2613 Vine St., Corryville, 513-281-8110. Kroger, multiple locations throughout Greater Cincinnati.

Best Romantic Hotel on a Budget
The Mariemont Inn, a quaint Tudor-style hotel built in 1926. The place, even though it's now a Best Western, oozes Ye Olde England, with lots of antique furniture and headboards in its 60 or so rooms. Plus terrific meals at the hotel restaurant, National Exemplar, and intimate movies at the movie theater in Mariemont Square right across the street. The Mariemont Inn, 6880 Wooster Road, Mariemont, 513-271-2100.

Best Romantic Hotel, No Expense Spared
A night at the Emery Presidential Suite at the Cincinnatian Hotel. Considered Cincinnati's most expensive hotel room, the Emery Suite can easily set you back $1,500 a night. Still, you do get two bedrooms, a living room, dining room and two baths, not to mention two fireplaces, a wet bar, whirlpools and piped-in stereo system. The hotel gladly supplies terry cloth robes and lush bedding and turn-down service. This is the suite Billy Joel likes to stay in, so it's probably already booked for May 13. Cincinnatian Hotel, 601 Vine St., Downtown, 513-381-3000.

Best Convenient Place to Get Hitched
The interdenominational chapel inside the main terminal of the Greater Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky International Airport. What a way to start a marriage: among the hustle and bustle of jetliners and travelers. Hell, your bridal guests can fly in, hop off the plane and get right back on immediately after the ceremony. Greater Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky International Airport, Hebron, 859-767-3144.

Best Oddball Place to Get Married
How about doing the deed at the Ohio Renaissance Festival? This 30-acre complex, open in the summer and early autumn only, is a medieval theme park stocked with roaming kings, queens and knights
a virtual 16th-century town. Wedding packages include the "King & Queen" (at the high end of the scale, a grand total of $3,000): The happy couple gets a bagpipe procession, admission for 75 guests, carriage ride to St. Peter's English Chapel, champagne and roses, and the park even supplies the ordained minister. We're not jousting you. Other packages start at a more modest $250. Ohio Renaissance Festival, Ohio Hwy. 73 at I-71, Harveysburg, 513-897-7000.

Best Bridal Central
The 23 businesses along three blocks of Benson Street and Jefferson Avenue in beautiful downtown Reading that cater specifically to brides and grooms. From wedding dresses to bridal cakes, this is the ultimate nuptial planning center. Shops include Bridal & Formal, winner of this year's Readers Pick, plus Patricia's Weddings and Custom Cakes Unlimited, Paris Veils and Bridal Accessories, Bridal Warehouse, Cincinnati Bride, Precious Moments Photography, Carrousel Weddings, Oasis Florists and Under Wraps. Reading Wedding Mall, Jefferson Avenue at Benson Street, Reading, 513-733-3100.

Best Bridal Alternative
If you're looking for bridal gear that's funky, used and relatively inexpensive, try Casablanca Vintage. Not since Scentiment's went into bondage has this city seen an outlet this comprehensive for authentic vintage clothing and accessories. Throw in a visit to other nearby Northside retailers, and you have a Wedding Mall for the alt crowd. They even offer layaway and take credit cards. Casablanca Vintage, 3944 Spring Grove Ave., Northside, 513-541-6999.

Best Place to Break up
At La Normandie, where it's quiet and dignified, with efficient waitstaff that come and go regularly with condiments and plates, bread and entrées. One wouldn't raise his or her voice in this comfortably classic setting. And there's something upscale about sharing the kitchen with The Maisonette, minus the price tag. La Normandie, 114 E. Sixth St., Downtown, 513-287-7782.