Best Example That Bad Things Happen to Good People
For the second straight year, organizers of the WorldJam music fest were plagued by bad weather and bad news (including the cancellation of the headliner act, Emmylou Harris). Still, the 2000 version featured a terrific lineup of music at its new venue, Bicentennial Commons, and a hugely popular drum circle. Too bad only a couple thousand people tramped down to hear it.

Best Urban Tour
The tour of the rarely seen Props and Scenery Shop run by Playhouse in the Park. It's little surprise that the Playhouse doesn't have the space inside its Mount Adams theaters' cramped backstage areas to store all the scenery, props and costumes from all its years of performances. Rather, these wonderfully intriguing (and sometimes massive) theatrical trinkets are housed inside a former roller skating rink in Walnut Hills. For one day each February during the Fine Arts Fund weekend, the Playhouse offers a free tour of its huge scenery and props shop. Don't miss it. Playhouse Props and Scenery Shop, 2827 Gilbert Ave., Walnut Hills, 513-421-3888.

Best Urban Farm Experience
Sunrock Farm, which offers three-hour sessions to introduce children, and adults for that matter, to the joys of farm work. For the first two hours, the children can work on the farm: milk a goat, feed animals, gather eggs and work in the garden. Then the group moves to either the indoor or outdoor party area for a birthday party or picnic. Sunrock Farm, 103 Gibson Lane, Wilder, 859-781-5502.

Best Drag Queen
Debbie Gardner, the urban survival expert and former Cincinnati cop who's so good at kicking, stomping and dragging lowlifes who might try to assault her that she now has her own television show, Survive!, on Channel 48. Gardner, who labels herself "The Most Dangerous Woman in America," offers up self-defense tips for women, and men, that are simple and require no martial arts training.

Best Downtown Drag
Quick, name any American town, village or city with over a 10,000 population that doesn't have at least one of these fast-food restaurants: McDonald's, Burger King, Taco Bell, Pizza Hut, KFC. Well, how about downtown Cincinnati? Yeah, we know fast food isn't healthy, blah, blah, blah. But sometimes, as hard as this might be to believe, ordinary folks with just a few dollars in their pockets might want to have a quick, cheap lunch that doesn't involve chili. Add fast food to the list of "average joe" amenities (grocery store, movie theater, hardware store, laundromat) our "world class" downtown lacks.

Best High
The price of energy from Cinergy. Things are getting so bad the company's name actually was booed at the recent Imagemakers awards when Cinergy was mentioned as a sponsor.

Best Corporate Smokescreen
The Metropolitan Growth Alliance, since releasing its much-heralded Gallis Report, seems to have gone underground. Maybe they're planning to use the old Cincinnati subway tunnels to reconnect the region.

Best Effort to Move Us
Just how do we want to be transported? Metro Moves has been doing a good job of asking lots of questions about Cincinnati's public transportation needs in the near term and the future. Its recently unveiled regional plan, incorporating public input, features bus transfer hubs that, in other cities, have helped revitalize streets and entire neighborhoods. Plus it's the first glimpse at how Cincinnati's bus system would be integrated with a light rail system. Planning bus routes isn't sexy, but it impacts many more average Cincinnatians than glittery new stadiums.

Best Metro Route
The No. 17, the best way to discover a cross-section of Cincinnati's diverse neighborhoods: downtown, University Heights, Clifton, Northside, College Hill, Mount Healthy and more. On any given day you'll also see a cross-section of diverse Cincinnatians, from a construction worker in a clown suit to a singing hillbilly window washer to numerous persons of indeterminate sex.

Best TANK Route
The airport route, undoubtedly the cheapest ride to catch your flight. It slips across the river to pick up passengers just north of Fifth on Main Street. Fellow passengers will be mostly airport employees, but you can go, too, and pay $1 like them.

Best Parking Bargain
The Parking Meeter shuttle offered by Metro, which gives downtown workers a ride to Fourth Street from the new surface parking lots along the riverfront for just 25 cents each way.

Best Parking Deal, Street Division
Ten free minutes on meters downtown.

Best Parking Deal, Garage Division
Spend a buck and park all evening at city garages at Fountain Square, the Federated building, etc.

Best Parking Spot to Avoid
If you're attending a sold-out or crowded event at the Firstar Center, don't park on the top floors at the new county garage next door. It takes at least an hour to get out when the event's over.

Best Case of Denial
The headmaster of Cincinnati Country Day School was apoplectic when the Michael Douglas film Traffic used the school name in such a manner as to suggest a student used illegal drugs. And not only that, the fictional student also, gasp, had sex!

Best Place to Stick Your Butt
The new ashtrays at bus stops and elsewhere on downtown streets. If only people would use them.

Best Urban Recycling Plan
The Beyond the Bin program initiated by Keep Cincinnati Beautiful, which collects everything from Styrofoam peanuts to flower pots and scrap metal, cardboard, junk mail, magazines and newspapers. The program is organized by date: On April 7, they accept office equipment; on May 5, business suits; on June 2, flower pots; and on July 7, used fans. Drop off locations include Western Hills Plaza, College Hill Kroger, Surrey Square and Princeton High School. 513-352-4380.

Best Absurdist Graffiti Artist
The person who did the overpasses along the Norwood Lateral near I-71 and I-75 with slogans like "Chris Sabo Died for Our Sins," "Ron Dibble Buss Me Upside My Head," "Bengals Suck," "Bush = Quayle," "Pat Barry Sat on Me" and more. The TV stations did stories about them when the sayings first appeared, and most motorists thought they were random jokes. Personally, we think someone's trying to make a statement about how the seemingly innocent early '90s actually laid the foundation for the stock market crashes and Middle East violence we're seeing today. Also funny is that whoever is responsible for cleaning it up tried to cover one saying with indoor paint, which just peeled off.

Best Business Opportunity
Apparently a Coke and a smile wasn't enough. Now you can get a Coke and some Pringles, thanks to a recent joint venture between two of the world's business behemoths, Coca-Cola and P&G. Of course, that's if P&G keeps a few employees around to run things.

Best Poll Not Influenced by Hanging Chads
Busken Bakery's cookie polls enable us to satisfy our sweet tooth and make our opinions heard at the same time. We're ready to help with the recount.

Best Argument Against Suburban Sprawl
It's hard to beat Ludlow Avenue in Clifton. Walk to the grocery store. Pick up carry-out. Meet friends for coffee. Go to the library. Catch a movie. Berta Lambert sells the latest Streetvibes on the corner. And it's all within walking distance from your home. Well, if you live there. The retail hub of Clifton's Gaslight neighborhood is city living at its best. Those people stuck in traffic at Fields-Ertel Road need to see what they're missing.

Best Argument for Small Town Living
The time warp that is Rabbit Hash, Ky. The old-timers festival on Labor Day has hay rides, dunking booths, a huge bonfire, an egg toss, balloon toss and great music. It's like arriving in Mayberry with Barney Fife as the emcee in charge of the festivities. And it's only 30 minutes from downtown Cincinnati.

Best Look into Cincinnati's Past
Take a trip up to Fairview Park and look out over I-75, the train yards, Union Terminal, the West End and Over-the-Rhine. Stop for a moment, hold your breath and listen to the trains clicking down the tracks. It's also a pretty good peek at some of the city's seven hills.

Best Urban Summertime Escape
The Mount Adams Pool, tucked behind Playhouse in the Park near the swing set. This little-known city park pool offers watery respite for first-time parents and their toddlers as well as Mount Adams singles working on their tans. Dry off and enjoy some of the best views of the city.

Best Urban Outdoor Adventure
With Cincinnati Kayaks Downtown. In his spare time, Howard Hawkins will throw in a sit-on-top kayak and take you on a challenging and relaxing tour of the Ohio and Licking rivers. Instruction in paddling technique and some historical facts about the riverfront accompany you on the journey. If you have reservations about paddling an urban river, he'll take you out of town for a surcharge. It's a great way to spend a sunny afternoon. Cincinnati Kayaks Downtown, 513-421-3671.

Best Reason to Become a Vegetarian
The meat hanging in the window at Jeff Ruby's restaurant at Seventh and Walnut streets. This is supposed to be appetizing?

Best Place to Bring Out-of-Town Guests
The perennial champ remains Mount Adams, still a beautiful neighborhood with a little hint of San Francisco and killer views of downtown, the river and Northern Kentucky. Of course, you don't want to stick around too long, lest your guests find out what a yuppified place it really is.

Best Place to Talk to Strangers
The Dog Park on the West side of town, where you can let your dog off the leash and mingle with people who talk about their dogs like they would their children.

Best Place to Meet Someone You'll Have Something in Common With
The annual Mount Adams Reindog Parade, the Christmas season gathering for folks who want to show off their pooches to each other and chat about the holiday season.

Best Girlfriends Gathering Place
At Vineyard CafÈ, where you can sample different wines, nibble some appetizers and share the fabulous crab cakes. You can people-watch while supping and sipping, and then there's always shopping at Hyde Park Square. The noise level has come down some, so it's a good time to gather the girls and settle in for a while. Vineyard CafÈ, 2653 Edwards Road, Hyde Park, 513-871-6167.

Best Public Art
The Vontz Molecular Science Building's curving brick exterior and cantilevered windows make architect Frank Gehry's post-modern structure into Cincinnati's great piece of public sculpture. Suddenly, the drive around UC and down Martin Luther King Boulevard is a lot more pleasant.

Best Sleeping Giant in Need of a Wake-Up Call
The Emery Theatre. While the adjoining OMI-College of Applied Sciences opened its doors as 62 market-rate apartments, the theater remains in need of funding necessary to renovate its auditorium and reopen. Everyone agrees that Cincinnati needs a state-of-the-art Emery. Now, if only someone would step forward and make a big-money commitment.

Best Boondoggle That Needs to Go Away
The Millennium Tower, which is supposed to permanently house the Peace Bell. Plans by Newport officials to resuscitate the maligned Millennium Tower stands as the stupidest use of $138 million ever created. The tower will dwarf nearby offices and the historic Southgate House. It's understandable that Newport wants to ditch its sin city past and capitalize on tourism, but a towering erection isn't the answer.

Best Boondoggle That's Never Going Away
Paul Brown Stadium sits on the riverfront these days as Cincinnati's largest, most expensive paperweight, without a use in the world until August. The facility made its regular season debut last fall with a contest between its namesake's old team, the Cleveland Browns, and the franchise he founded, our lovable Bungals. Of course, the guys in stripes did their best to make the Dawgs look like Super Bowl contenders, and the game ended up as one of only two sellouts all season. How embarrassing for the Brown family, the NFL, the city, the county, everyone who lives here and everyone who's paid a penny in Hamilton County sales tax over the past four years.

Best School Alternative
Home schooling has taken hold locally, with more than 300 families belonging to the Home Schooling Network of Greater Cincinnati. Families exchange books and other school materials, plus get the kids together for educational field trips and for social interaction.

Best Chance to Try Out the Riot Gear
Cincinnati Police polished their anti-terrorist techniques when the TransAtlantic Business Dialogue conference came to town in November. The show of force
and cool, all-black riot gear, bean-bag shotguns and other toys
must have made Simon "My Toys Are Bigger Than Yours" Leis jealous. But don't call it "riot gear;" police officials made a point of terming it "protective gear" instead.