Best New Laundry Double Feature
Cincinnati is already known worldwide for a certain laundromat/band bar, but City Limits Wash and Tan offers a little something different. Instead of getting sauced while you're drying your delicates, here you can get a nice deep tan, even in the dead of winter. The tanning salon add-on has attracted customers from all over the city, and City Limits (named because it sits on the city line) also has cable television on sets all around the facility and is refreshingly clean. City Limits Wash and Tan, 2650 Kipling Ave., Mount Airy, 513-385-9293.

Best Furniture/Crematory Double Feature
Say old Rover passes away and, thanks to years of his pissing all over your outdoor patio furniture, you can't even go sit on the porch, smoke a cigarette and think of the old days with your best pal. Kill two birds (figuratively) at Char-Mac Lawn & Patio Furniture and Char-Mac Pet Cremation & Burial Service. Seriously, pet owners should know that they are very delicate and professional about your burial and crematory needs, offering various decorative canisters to store the ashes. But if you're in the market for some handmade lawn chairs, don't hesitate to ask. Char-Mac Lawn & Patio Furniture and Char-Mac Pet Cremation & Burial Service, 11798 Hamilton Ave., Pleasant Run, 513-851-5791.

Best Coffee/Dry Cleaners Double Feature
Enzo's Coffee & Dry Cleaners offers you the choice of coffee, white chocolate hazelnut mocha or baked pastries along with complete dry cleaning services. Hey, no starch in that espresso, please. Enzo's Coffee & Dry Cleaners, 519 Main St., Covington, 859-581-0300.

Best Free DVD Store
You paid so much for your new DVD player you don't have the scratch to rent anything from the corner video store? The main branch of the Cincinnati and Hamilton County Public Library has almost 900 DVDs, loaned according to the same rules that apply to the library's nearly 12,000 videos: No charge, two-day loans and two-day renewals. You can call ahead to check if the one you want is available. If you're in a hurry, a librarian will deliver your DVD to the Ninth Street drive-up window, where you can pick it up the same day. One more benefit over HollyBuster Video: You can make your selection via the Internet at plch.lib.oh.us. Public Library Main Branch, 800 Vine St., Downtown, 513-369-6926.

Best Retro Five & Dime
The meaning of retro culture will never be the same after buying your plumber's friend and hair gel at Laurel's Five and Dime. Being retro isn't just a fashion sense here, it's a way of life. But if you ask about it, they probably wouldn't know what you're talking about. Laurel's Five and Dime, 243 W. McMillan St., Clifton Heights, 513-241-3969.

Best Retro Drug Store
Harold Waller's pharmacy has been a fixture in Walnut Hills for 42 years. He knows most of his customers, young and old, by their first names and dispenses prescriptions with advice and instructions based on such personal characteristics as age, weight and lifestyle. Ideal Pharmacy, 2916 Gilbert Ave., Walnut Hills, 513-751-6665.

Best Retro Hobby Shop
Need a game of Twister? Come to Boardwalk, which boasts, without doubt, the city's most extensive collection of model kits, vintage toys and board games. Whether you're looking for some obscure variation of Lincoln Logs, some rare pigment of military model paint or a vintage game that hasn't been in the mainstream stores for decades, this delightful and nostalgic place is your best bet. Boardwalk Hobby Shop, 1032 Delta Ave., Mount Lookout, 513-871-2110.

Best Retro Health Food Store
It's hard to believe we're already nostalgic for non-supersized health food retailers, but American culture changes fast. Clifton Natural Foods has a spacious store, knowledgeable staff, a complete grocery and vitamin shop, books, cosmetics and lots of organic produce. The owner is a registered nurse with years of experience in alternative health. And it's in a real neighborhood. Clifton Natural Foods, 169 W. McMillan St., Clifton Heights, 513-961-6111.

Best Feel-Good Secondhand Furniture
If you're looking to dress up the old homestead with some class, Legacies Gallery offers high-end, second-hand choices. You can find furniture of all kinds
traditional, contemporary and antiques - in addition to oriental rugs, chandeliers, fine crystal and china. Some of the goods are donated, a lot more are sold on consignment. It's run by a small staff and about 60 volunteers, and all sales benefit The Wellness Community, an agency supporting cancer survivors. There's a high turnover of items, so it's worth checking in regularly. Legacies Gallery of Discovery, 3449 Michigan Ave., Hyde Park, 513-871-8899.

Best Move, Retail Division
Bedlam Boutique is the place to find the unique shirt, footwear or accessory that demonstrates just how hip you are. And with the recent move to Northside, you no longer have to worry about getting a ticket when parking out front. On the down side, their killer, one-of-a-kind bank vault dressing room will be sorely missed. Maybe they can bring it with them. Bedlam Boutique, 4038 Hamilton Ave., Northside, 513-681-1111.

Best Place to Turn a Trick
Presto, chango! You'll find a complete selection of professional magician tricks at the aptly named Magic Shop, including trick cards, levitating balls, scarves and hats to pull a rabbit (or whatever) out of. Magic Shop, Carew Tower Arcade, near Tower Place, Downtown, 513-241-6603.

Best Place to Indulge Yourself
The 5th Elephant in Tower Place carries the coolest stuff: gifts, lighting, jewelry, cards, furniture, books and incredible art. A great place to shop for a present, though you'll always end up buying something for yourself. The owner is usually there, and the service is excellent. The 5th Elephant, Tower Place, Downtown, 513-665-4300.

Best Manicotti to Go
The delectable treats at Mama Vita's, providing freshly made raviolis and manicottis you can take home and heat up. Mama Vita's Take to Bake, 7227 Wooster Pike, Mariemont, 513-561-6000.

Best Frozen Pizza
The frozen dough at Pasta Supply Company. Simply defrost the dough that comes in 5-inch lumps, roll it out, then top it with a selection of the shop's fresh sauces, pestos, exotic cheeses and other toppings. You'll finally get some use out of that pizza stone you got as a wedding present and never have to visit the frozen food aisle again. Pasta Supply Company, 2942 Wasson Road, Hyde Park, 513-841-1800.

Best High Tea Party to Go
The savory cucumber finger sandwiches and exotic tea at The Coffee Emporium, packaged to go. Make sure to order them ahead of time. The Coffee Emporium, 3316 Erie Ave., Hyde Park, 513-321-5943.

Best Friend to Harried Workers
Behle Street to Go, which provides the same delicious entrees you find at Behle Street Cafe in Covington, neatly packaged for the home kitchen. Behle Street to Go, 250 Grandview Drive, Fort Mitchell, 859-344-5000.

Best Burning Desire
The incredible selection of hot sauces at Joebaneros Sweat Shop, more than 200 at last count. Our tastebuds will never recover. Open weekends only. Joebaneros Sweat Shop, 624 Main St., Covington, 859-581-7932.

Best Burning Pleasure
The Smoke Store isn't just another humidor, although this one is beautiful and inlaid with brick for moisture control. The huge store offers a variety of pipes as well as hemp clothing, incense and other hemp products. Smoke Store, 2822 Jefferson Ave., Corryville, 513-569-0420.

Best Burning Knees and Elbows
Aggressive Skate Park is both a name and an attitude. There's nothing else like this indoor park with large and small half pipes, quarter pipes and launch boards. There are also skating accessories, skates, and skateboards for sale. Full park rentals and seasonal lessons are available. Aggressive Skate Park, 8855 Blue Ash Road, Rossmoyne, 513-794-9009. www.aggressivesk8.com.

Best Leather for Book Lovers
The Dust Jacket carries a large selection of leather-bound volumes, many of which are signed by the author. Anthony Burgess, Amy Tan, Robertson Davies and John Hersey have all lent their pens to books here. The store also boasts a fine selection of local history, fiction, military and children's titles. The Dust Jacket, 3200 Linwood Ave., Mount Lookout, 513-871-4224.

Best New Downtown Bookstore
The one inside Christ Cathedral, where you'll find all manner of gift ideas for the religious and non-religious. From bookmarks with quotable sayings to stained-glass jewelry and leather-bound Bibles, the store's selection is remarkably varied. The Christ Cathedral Bookshop, 318 E. Fourth St., Downtown, 513-621-4567.

Best Pulp Fiction
Duttenhofer's has the real deal. The used bookstore carries a large selection of pulp novels from the 1950s and '60s. Many of the titles, though cheaply published, are of A-list literary authors like Graham Greene and William Faulkner. Browsing the lurid covers is a great way to kill an hour or two. Duttenhofers Books, 214 W. McMillan St., Clifton Heights, 513-381-1340.

Best Pulp Fusion
Like kitsch? Try Damn Swank, which has pulp fiction post cards and magnets galore, tacky glassware and your grandma's old wardrobe. Damn Swank, 4137 Hamilton Ave., Northside, 513-542-0045.

Best Snake in the Grass
Jerry and Erin Robinson have been breeding pythons and boa constrictors for a decade, and their shop at Springhill Plaza shows it. Desi, a 17-foot Burmese python who weighs more than 170 pounds, greets you at the door. Elvis, the iguana, is happily ensconced there, too. The herpetological boutique also features coatimundi (they resemble raccoons) that sleep in a hammock, alligators and 60-pound African sulcata tortoises. In short, more giant slimy slitherers than any other place outside of City Hall. Robinson's Reptiles, 3110 Springdale Road, Colerain Twp., 513-522-6592.

Best Gift Shop for the Birds
The Cincinnati Nature Center Bookstore offers the most complete hands-on nature study you'll find in the area, with numerous educational programs for youths, including spring and fall biology programs and summer classes. The store stocks every possible nature book relating to Ohio, Kentucky and Indiana; topics include local birdwatching, trail hiking, bicycling and botany opportunities. Besides the books, there's an educational center where a window overlook allows you to view cardinals, ducks, geese, you name it, in the pond below. Cincinnati Nature Center Bookstore, 4949 Tealtown Road, Glen Este, 513-831-1711.

Best Service for the Birds
"Quiet Time," that new service from Cincinnati Bell that turns off your phone during designated hours for a fee of $3 a month. You can't just turn off your own phone? 513-565-6090. www.cincinnatibell.com.

Best Breath of Fresh Air
Pranayama Oxygen Bar boasts products/services offering "a holistic approach to wellness," including massage therapy, herbal consulting, oxygen-enriched air, smoothies and juices. Oxygen treatments range from $12 for 20 minutes to $20 for 40 minutes. Classes are offered in Tai Ji, meditation, yoga, belly dance, hypno-birth, tribal adornment and so on. Bios on each of the healers are offered at www.pranayama.net
see if you can figure out which one believes everything revolves around "love, beauty, joy, harmony and abundance." Pranayama Oxygen Bar and Healing Arts Center, 3384 Erie Ave., Hyde Park , 513-533-5310.

Best Place for 45s Out West
The best destination for vinyl on the West Side is Circle CDs, a great place to find unique tour posters, used CDs, indie punk or that hard-to-find Sex Pistols 45. Their local music selection is less than stellar, but where else can you find an out-of-print vinyl copy of local '80s scenesters Human Zoo or semi-local pop-perfectionists The Bears? Circle CDs & Records, 5975 Glenway Ave., Northside, 513-451-9824.

Best Place for Bad Music
Shake It has a section euphemistically titled "Difficult Listening" that includes such artists as the schizophrenic head-butting casio-king Wesley Willis of "Whip That Ass" and "Hootie and the Blowfish" fame and a large selection of Charles Manson CDs. Curiously, the Noam Chomsky records are kept in a different section. Shake It Records, 4183 Hamilton Ave., Northside, 513-591-0123.

Best Music in the Burbs
Spin Again Music is worth the trip tick. Great service and selection, with eight headphone stations so you can preview anything. Used CDs are never more than $8, and most of the time less. If you're looking for something they don't have, they'll put it in their database and call you when they get it. Spin Again Music, 9982 Kings Automall Drive, Symmes Twp., 513-583-1900; 4394 Eastgate Square Drive, Eastgate, 513-753-8877.

Best Sewing as They Reap
At the appropriately named Creative Cottage, where cross-stitching, quilting and fabric enthusiasts flock. The cottage is located almost dead center of Madeira, next to the train depot. Owner Marie Tsacalis offers any number of embroidery and cross-stitching classes for adults, as well as quilting classes. It's a friendly, inviting place that welcomes newcomers to the stitching world. Creative Cottage, 6934 Miami Ave., Madeira, 513-271-2028.

Best Glass Menagerie
York Vision, a family business for three generations, has tons of never-before-worn vintage frames at great prices
some dating back to the 1920s. Staff from the Playhouse in the Park and movies filming here are always raiding the stash. Then there's the tremendous selection of new styles, too. York Vision, 7599 Kenwood Road, Kenwood, 513-891-2020.

Best Last-Minute Gift Source
Consider the Newport Aquarium's gift shop your last chance for a last-minute gift on Christmas Day or any other holiday since the aquarium is open 365 days a year. The aisles are littered with stuffed penguins and National Geographic calendars. Most interesting is the wide selection of books that focus on a variety of topics such as sea life, polar bears, sharks, seals and more. The children's book selection is as extensive as the adult shelves, with easy-to-read picture books about life in the wild. Newport Aquarium Gift Shop, 1 Aquarium Way, Newport, 859-261-7444.

Best Friend for Kids
Kinder Haus Toys is crammed with everything from the high-end Goetz dolls made in Germany to Madame Alexander, Ginny and Corolle dolls. A best-seller here is the Pop Design Watch Kit, a craft kit that comes with a digital watch to design. The store also offers craft programs at which kids can create keepsakes, design banners and fashion paper daffodils. A former P&G executive, Lynn Keister, opened the store in part because she wasn't finding a toy store in town that fit the needs of her two young children. Kinder Haus Toys, 7967 Cincinnati-Dayton Road, West Chester, 513-759-9100.

Best Class Act for Kids
The ArtStop Studio run by the Carnegie Visual Arts Center. Classes teach kids to make spiral mobiles, tissue paper seascapes, handpainted plates, flower pots and chalk rose drawings. ArtStop Studio, The Carnegie, 1028 Scott Blvd., Covington, 859-491-2030.

Best Library Program for Kids
The Explorer's Club run through the Pleasant Ridge branch of the Cincinnati & Hamilton County Public Library. Travel programs are exclusively tailored for children, such as a journey through England, Wales, Scotland and Ireland for ages 6 to 12. Reservations are required. Explorer's Club, 6233 Montgomery Road, Pleasant Ridge, 513-369-4488.

Best Miniature Manipulation
At Unicorn Miniatures, a treasure trove of miniature houses and furniture. The clientele runs as much to adults as children; in fact, this is a store where the creation of tiny Victorian and Painted Lady homes is taken very seriously, along with the accompanying pint-sized furnishings. The staff knows how to wire a 1-foot-high building for electricity and how to install indoor (working) plumbing in a room no bigger than your hand. That's serious hobby making. Unicorn Miniatures, 1028 Delta Ave., Mount Lookout, 513-871-2823.

Best International Shopping Experience
Other than Findlay Market, T.J. Maxx in Dillonvale is about the only spot in sterile Cincinnati where you can overhear Yiddish, Chinese, Vietnamese and Spanish while shopping for killer bargains. We haven't figured out if the neighborhood is that integrated or if Cincinnati's minorities know a good deal when they find one. This T.J. Saks, as we like to call it in our circle, has great housewares, shoes, luggage and women's separates. T.J. Maxx, 4020 E. Galbraith Road, Dillonvale, 513-891-8686.

Best Old School Bank
Columbia Savings still has passbooks, and their staff's personal attention is noticeable. They know who you are even when you call on the phone. Columbia Savings Bank, 411 Ludlow Ave., Clifton, 513-281-2443.

Best Old School Barber Shop
For the three of us who saw Joe's Bed-Stuy Barber Shop, We Cut Heads, Spike Lee's student film and senior thesis, walking into Sonny's Barber Shop is very much liking walking onto the set of that film. This is the old-school joint with photos of boxing greats Muhammad Ali and Aaron Pryor side-by-side with hairstyle charts of at least 20 ways to cut and style the Afro. This is a place where black men, toddlers to retirees, come to tell tall-tales and watch courtroom shows on TV. Haircuts are sometimes an afterthought. Sonny's chair is closest to the rear door so he can watch all the goings on. Sonny's Barber Shop, 4920 Reading Road, Roselawn, 513-292-9808.

Best New School Barber Shop
To some he's known as the Sultan of Shag and to others he's more reverently referred to as the High Priest of Hair Beauty Orthodoxy. Nasser knows so much about hair and tells you with such bravado that you're hesitant to question his authority. And you're willing to let him do whatever he thinks is the best for your hair. Apparently, it's the Shag-way or the highway for Nasser. And who are we to disrespect His Hair Highness? Nasser Kassem's Salon & Tanning, 2508 W. Clifton Ave., Clifton Heights, 513-281-3424.